Should Working, Adult Children Who Live at Home Pay Rent?
Q: I’m a single Mom of two boys and my older son just turned 20. He’s been working full time for a whole year now, and living at home nearly rent-free. That was ok to start because it looked like he might go to college. However, he’s doing well at work with the training program, so he’s going to keep working. Now I think he should pay rent, but he thinks that because I’m his Mom, I should support him until he’s ready to move out. What can I do?
A: September is the time of year where household routines go back to normal and parents are relieved that their kids are back in school. However, when kids are finished school and they’re transitioning into their young adult years, this can be a challenging time of adjustment for many families.
Some parents support their children by allowing them to live at home rent-free while they are going to college or university, or while they are transitioning into the workforce. In other households, adult children pay rent as if they were renting their own space elsewhere. For some families, a blended situation works better.
The Benefits of Paying Rent
Eventually, there comes a time when young adult children need to become responsible for their own living costs, no longer leaning on the support pillar known as their family home. This is not only for their benefit, but for their parents’ benefit as well. Moms and Dads often underestimate how much it costs them when they allow their adult children to live at home rent-free. Many times they are even forced to put their own plans on hold, or they risk jeopardizing their retirement because they are in debt. It's also important for kids to learn what living as an adult actually means.
Create a Transition Plan Together
To help your son transition to paying full rent, e.g. over a 4 month period, either at your house or somewhere else, discuss a transition plan with him. Explain your expectations and what you are able to do to help him adjust. Some things to consider are:
- how much rent he can afford and in what increments will it increase if he stays living at home
- which utilities his rent will cover and which ones he’ll still have to pay
- what his household budget will be when he’s self-sufficient
- how his lifestyle will be impacted when his living costs increase
When adult children are working full time, asking them to either pay rent at home, or offering them help to live under someone else’s roof, doesn’t mean you love them any less than you always have. But until your son gets used to the idea, it might feel that way.
Related article: How to Approach Asking Your Adult Child to Pay Rent